Why You Must Make Friends with Your Job

On the surface, it would seem that disliking the work you do for money would provide the best possible motivation to move on to something new. But in real life it rarely works that way. Here are some compelling reasons to make peace with what you're doing now, even if you have future plans that don't include your current job:

• When you hate something or someone in your daily life, the hate begins to color the energy field around you. Even if you don't believe in auras or invisible force fields, you've probably had the experience of feeling a sudden chill when a particular person entered the room. That's because the person was carrying around negative energy, and emotional energy has a life of its own. You owe it to yourself to keep yourself from becoming one of those people. Besides, extreme negativity is going to interfere with your ability to find and make the most of happy possibilities that will help you towards your dream.
• Once you decide to make peace with an unloved job, you actually set yourself up for a better one. In some spiritual traditions, there's a belief that you won't be sent any further opportunities until you've mastered what you're supposed to be doing now. Boy, is this a hard idea to swallow sometimes! Test it for a week if you're skeptical. Once you're able to go about most of your daily tasks cheerfully (this doesn't mean grinning all day or dancing on desks) you may find that interesting offers and opportunities start coming your way.
• Once you're at peace, you'll have more energy to spend doing what you really love. This is especially important if your paid work involves long hours and you don't have much free time. If you have a job that's bad by any standards, it's already taking up your work hours. Are you going to give it more time by allowing it to drain you so much that you have nothing left to give after you clock out? An apt metaphor for such self-sabotage is the man who arrives home one evening to find burglars loading all his furniture into a fake moving van and greets them with " Do you need any help?"
• After you've cleared away any emotional clouds hovering around you, your'e free to start mining whatever benefits your job may hold, in terms of your dream. Most jobs have something to offer. In upcoming chapters I'll offer way to find those somethings. 

Even after you befriend your job, you still might be on the lookout for something else. There are instances where you can make a bad job more bearable but if you're going to be happy in the long run, you'll need to find a more congenial day job. 

In some circumstances it makes sense to put your passion on hold for a definite amount of time while you focus on getting the training you need to enter a new field. For example, if you decide you want a position as an administrative assistant because working regular business hours will open up more passion-related opportunities than your current retail job, but your office software skills are slim to none, you will probably have to take classes. In that case, find out what you need to learn, make a learning plan and give yourself a time frame for finishing your training. Setting a deadline is extremely important; without one you might find yourself taking coursework less seriously and prolonging your training time. 

It also helps to set out visible reminders of your ultimate passion-related goal, the one you've temporarily set aside. Reminders will help you stay on track and remember why you're really slogging through Spreadsheets 101. It's not because you envision a life where setting up spreadsheets is the high point of your week, it's so you can eventually afford high quality art supplies or join a community choir that practices evenings. 

By the way, if you're still a traditionally young college student, one of the best things you can do for yourself is make sure you have an easily marketable set of direct job skills before you graduate. Even if you love Art History and are aiming for an eventual position at a museum or in academia, having office tech, sales or service skills will ensure that you won't starve while searching. 

In addition, having a "meanwhile" job will not only help pay for things, it could keep you from having to move back in with your parents. Too often, in cases where the parents haven't required much of the returning adult child, I've seen the kid in question start on a downward slide into inertia. Having a regular job gets you out into the world, makes you get moving and stay moving, and forces you to stay reasonably sharp. 

And you'll need those sharp wits for moving towards your dream.

Section II: Work Feeds Art Feeds Work

In this section I'll show how your day job can "feed" your passion or art, and vice versa. The work you love and the work that pays the bills don't have to be enemies; in fact, your whole life will run more smoothly if they make friends with each other.

I you're in a job that seems utterly bereft of redeeming qualities, you may find this hard to believe. However, I hope to convince you that trying out the practices I describe in the following chapters can only do you good, no matter how demoralizing you might find your current pay-the-bills work. This isn't to say that you shouldn't look for a new position, just that you owe it to yourself to make the best of the one you have.

If you couple this approach to your job with the Creative Jumpstart described in Section I, it's likely that you'll see changes in your quality of life immediately. These changes will initiate a synergistic process whereby every action you take on behalf of your dream will generate creative energy that spills over into your job, and every action you take to make the most of the opportunities your job presents will further your dream.

I'll start this section by showing you why you need to make friends with your day job, and how to do it.

Creative Jumpstart

Here's a habit you can start immediately, no matter where you are in this process. It's simple and, while getting started may not be easy, if you practice it long enough, it will be come your setpoint.

On the next evening before you begin an entire day off (if you're fortunate, your job gives you 2 days off in a row, but if not, this is even more important), hold off the beer, pizza & movie until you've spent 15 minutes on an activity related to your passion. Walk through the door, take your shoes off, hug your kids, and get right to work.

If you're a writer, draft a paragraph or two...or just do a journal entry. If you're a musician, gather your current practice music together. If you sew, pin one piece of a pattern to fabric. If you're a community organizer, write or key one date into your calendar.

That's it. When you've finished one small step or 15 minutes have passed, whichever comes first, stop. Enjoy your evening, play with your kids, chat with your partner, relax in front of the TV.

Why is this so important? It's because this one small action sets the tone for your entire weekend (whatever days your "weekend" falls on). If you make a small start the night before your day off, it will be much easier to spend a hearty chunk of time on your project the next day. The Creative Jumpstart gets the ball rolling in a way that even a late night of partying can't interrupt in the long haul.

It also proves to yourself that you don't need to take big dramatic steps to see real progress. Adding up a large number of microsteps leads to the same accomplishment, and it may be a more effective way for you to fit your passion into a demanding life.

Let's move on to the meat of this book - making your day job and off-hours passion work for each other.

Resources for the Road

Here are some tools to help you on your journey. This is an Amazon Listmania list I compiled for friends who want to start the process of turning far-off dreams into attainable goals. It is by no means an exhaustive compilation of everything ever written on the subject but these books are considered classics in their genre, and the authors, many of whom are professional life coaches, are the best in their fields.

Define What You Want

Perhaps the most important part of your self-assessment consists of defining what you're searching for when you cast longing looks at your dream. This can be hard to pin down, but fortunately there are plenty of tools available to help.

Motivation: There are probably as many combinations of various motives as there are people. For example, if you're a writer who belongs to a critique group, your strongest motive might be "earning respect in literary circles," your best buddy in the group might say "fame & fortune!" and a third member may say, "just having fun."

There are no "wrong" motives. I know a locally published writer whose go-juice sprang from a desire to show up the high school classmates who'd ignored her achievements because she wasn't pretty & popular - the "success is the best revenge" motive. If it works and no one actually gets hurt in the process, use it!

Getting clear about your motive is important because you'll know which tactics will fire you up & get you working on the latest project, and which ones will be a waste of time. For me, being read widely is more important than making money (although I wouldn't turn it down). This means that for me, blogging is the perfect vehicle; it gets me published immediately. I don't spend time writing book proposals or chasing down agents and editors because this would be wasted effort for me. On the other hand, a writing buddy of mine wants to eventually earn a substantial part of her income writing best-sellers. For her, making annual plans to attend a major writers conference where she can meet agents and publishers gives her the  motivation to write during the rest of the year.

The role your dream plays in your life overall: Do you have one major passion in your life, like Mozart had with his music? Or do you prefer to be involved less intensely in a large number of things?  Barbara Sher calls these types divers and scanners. If your passion is flamenco dancing and you know you're a diver, you can assume that you're willing to spend most of your discretionary time in the dance studio. If, however, you're a scanner who also loves baking and writing poetry, you'll need to plan your time accordingly.

Do you ever see yourself turning your dream into a livelihood or are you fine with your current career? How does your passion fit into your life overall? One helpful method for figuring this out is an exercise from Wishcraft called "Ideal Day": simply write a story about your ideal day as you envision it, from the moment you get out of bed until you retire for the night. How does your current passion, project or avocation fit into your day? How much time do you give it? What other activities are important? Knowing your preferences here will help you decide on priorities.

What emotional payoffs do you want? Sher calls the emotional core of a dream or goal its touchstone. Several people on a neighborhood block may be passionate about gardening. One gardener might describe her touchstone as "being surrounded by beauty every season of the year." Another might say "getting close to the earth by working the soil and getting dirty." A third might offer "the economic independence I enjoy when I grow most of my own produce." The emotional core of a dream lies very close to personal motivation.

What are your acceptable expenses or tradeoffs? What are you willing to give up in order to pursue your dream? Perhaps more importantly, what are you unwilling to ditch? Many years ago I thought I wanted to earn a living teaching remedial writing in the local community college. However, after doing my research, I realized that working, having a young family and going to grad school would mean I'd have to give up my treasured musical activities, possibly for many years. I also realized I wasn't willing to do this (music kept me sane; who knew what grad school would do?); therefore, it made more sense to spend my efforts looking for a line of work I'd enjoy and could enter with "just" a B.A.

After working it out, you might realize that you can let go of some things temporarily as long as you can get them back into your life after you've cleared the hurdle. And there will be other things, such as relationships with your spouse and kids, that you must keep up no matter what. Once you're clear about your acceptable tradeoffs, the place your dream occupies within your life picture will be more obvious.

After you've worked all this out, try creating a statement of purpose for your passion. Here are a few examples:

• Through my art practice, I join with other local artists in creating a vibrant arts scene in our section of the city.
• Publishing my cookbook will help others who want to prepare healthy food in sustainable ways.
• By writing best-selling thrillers, I provide well-deserved escapist entertainment for hard-working readers and I earn a very good income for my family.
• My music makes me happy; the joy I feel when playing spreads over into my home and workplace. 

Your statement of purpose will serve as your "magnetic north." Whenever you have to choose between several paths on your Dream road, asking yourself "Does this path move me closer to my ultimate purpose or is it likely to be a sidetrack?" will clarify the matter wonderfully.

Before we leave this introductory section, I want to provide a list of additional resources to get you started on your journey. 

Cast of Characters

The characters I'm going to use to illustrate certain points are composites of people I've known and worked with in various groups. Each of them represents a particular life situation that poses special challenges when trying to build an integrated life.

• Molly, age 32, married mom of two young children. Works as a staff assistant at an elementary school. Her husband Rob works in a local shop that provides copier, fax and mailbox services as well as some printing. He sporadically searches for a position in his college major/ career field, graphic design, but has mostly given up. Molly loves beading, produces excellent work and dreams of having her own studio and selling her wares at various fairs & farmers markets. She'd also love to be home with the kids more often but realizes that Rob may never find better-paying work. A home business would provide extra income and a creative outlet without taking her away from her kids. First, though, she has to figure out a budget that will support four people on $40,000 per year, clean out the spare room and get her kids past the latest round of colds.
• Tony, 41, married with no kids. He sometimes thinks to himself that his job is his child. He's a software engineer and project manager for a large company that makes auto parts. His wife Ellen is a pediatrician. Between the two of them they earn more in a month than Molly makes in a year, but they have no free time. Both Tony and Ellen often work 12 hours a day, plus Tony is required to travel 2-3 times each month for work. Tony wants a dog someday but right now, even keeping a goldfish would be a challenge. Throughout high school and college, Tony played upright bass in school orchestras and electric bass in various garage bands. He'd love to get back into music, but how?
• Sylvia, 51, divorced with adult children who've left home. As the administrative assistant to the sales manager at the office supply wholesaler where she works, she earns enough to keep her and her two cats in comfortable style in her small urban house, plus fly out to visit her grandkids occasionally. However, she doesn't think she'll ever have the money to do what she really wants to do, grow organic vegetables on a small farmstead and sell them to local restaurants. She spends a lot of her free time watching the Food Channel and dreaming. Meanwhile, she's not getting any younger.
• Jake, 22, single. Recently graduated from a prestigious art institute. Works about 25 hours a week as a bike messenger to pay for his 2-room studio, pay off his college debt and support his writing and photography habits. Unlike Tony, he has oodles of time but no money. He also has foggy ideas of what he'd like to do with his life. It would be great if he could find something that includes both writing and photography, but so far he has no plan. He's been living day to day, earning just enough to keep his roof and eat, hanging out with his off-and-on girlfriend Kate, writing poetry and taking photos. 

These people will accompany us throughout the book. You'll also meet, via interviews, real-life people who've been able to reach  dreams or major personal goals while holding down jobs and running households.

Before getting into the "how to" details, however, I invite you to take an informal survey of your own double life. If you're going to lay plans and set goals, you'll need to have an accurate picture of your starting point.